I want to share a story with you; it’s a story that is near and dear to my heart of a rough time in my life. There was a time in my life where I had an absolute break down, and honestly, I only saw life through a tiny window due to my closed off mind. I hit a point where I kept telling myself “you are not good enough” “you don’t deserve the spot you’re in” “you don’t deserve love.” It was a point in my testimony where I turned away from God, I became bitter and stopped feeling emotions, some people would often say “hey, that’s amazing, you couldn’t feel hurt,” but it was quite the opposite. It was awful, people would say hurtful things to me, even to the point where people would tell me “kill yourself,” and I wouldn’t feel a thing. Its almost as you sit there staring off into this dark abyss feeling alone, like the room around you is on fire and you just want to let it burn, you cannot even feel the heat that’s on your skin, you can’t feel the burns from the ashes, you don’t care that the smoke is slowly choking you and you don’t care if you take your last breath, you’re left with these deep wounds that you aren’t sure if they will heal. You’re left with scars that you struggle to find the beauty in.
Let me put it this way; if you already didn’t know, these are feelings of inadequacy. I know, if you’re reading this you have days where you feel inadequate like you will NEVER be good enough, we all do, but to different extremes. You might not have let it get to the point where you fill your life and these dark places with anything but the light, like hurting yourself more will end the current suffering, inadequacy is a very dangerous emotion and thought that needs to be addressed. Have you ever thought that you feeling inadequate is you going against who God says you are? Which in-fact if God says that you are enough, it’s time to listen to the truth in that, not only the truth but the power that comes from that truth. I also wanted to reassure you of the fact that God isn’t waiting for you to “get it right” to approach Him. I think you need to understand that there is an aspect of surrender to overcoming inadequacy, surrendering these lies that the enemy wants you to hold on to, and giving into the truths that He wants you to believe not only in your heart but in your mind.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-12 Do you understand what I’m getting at? Do you fully understand not only in your mind but in your heart that I’m trying to communicate to you? We all fall short of the glory of God because we have sinned. But God wants to have a personal relationship with you. Yes, that’s right, the God who created the Heavens and the earth and every fine detail in-between.
I don’t know if you’ve ever thought of it like this but, Paul would often show his weaknesses or delight and be happy in his shortcomings. Why would that be a good thing? How in this world could that be positive? It’s critical because it gives Him (God) the opportunity to prove Himself strong in us if we have faith in Him. I want to stress this point even more than I already have: “beyond measure, I persecuted the church of God, and made havoc of it” (1:13). You may at this point be asking yourself “why is this important?” or if you’re a new Christian “who the heck is Paul?” Firstly, I’d like to say when Paul said he persecuted the church it’s referring to the body of believers and not a building. Secondly, Paul went from a very dark place, a place of persecuting the church to being used by God to be considered the “Apostle of grace.” It just doesn’t matter what you have done; you could consider yourself or tell yourself that you are the worst person in the world, BUT, God can use anyone in any situation. God can form you into a person that is a humble and powerful witness for God. I would encourage you to fight your insecurities and lean into the truth that God has given you. How about instead of listening and giving into the lies the enemy has placed before you listen to the truths that God has put before you. That you ARE a sinner SAVED by grace. That He WANTS to have a relationship with you, that you ARE good enough for the tasks He has for you. That you ARE a child of God. Focus on the “are’s” instead of the “are nots”